Just By a Whisker…

shave

Shaving is a chore.

There was a time as a young lad, I couldn’t wait to be shaving.

As a youngster, I’d lather my face with soap bubbles and scrape away the material with the bottom of the soap dish, pretending to be whisking away the “make believe facial hair.

I don’t remember a shaving lesson, per se, from my Father.

I did often observe him whisking away that beard daily as he used double-edged blades and Noxema to get the job done.

We also had a slot in the bathroom medicine cabinet where he would deposit used blades.

They’d fall in the space between the studs and the drywall.

I often wondered how much scrap metal accumulated in that slot over the years.

It probably violates at least 10 EPA rules, too.

The average man’s face has between 5,000 and 25.000 whiskers.

I suspicion I’m somewhat in the lower half of that figure.

My grandson Logan, bear that he is, probably is closer to that top figure.

He already has a better, fuller beard than I was ever able to grow.

The people who study these things figure facial hair grows about a half inch a month.

With all that hair we’re washing down the drain, is it any wonder we don’t have more plumbing problems that we do?

Officials figure we guys spend 60 hours per year shaving.

For me that figures out to some 4 months of my life that have been spent standing in front of a mirror, dragging a razor across my face.

Someone else calculated it takes 100-600 strokes to shave the entire face.

That seems like a lot.

But for someone who’s spent 4 months of his life performing this task, you’d think I’d have some idea how many blade swipes it takes. me.

I’m clueless.

Shaving does more good that bad since it also helps remove dead skin as well as those whiskers.

Although I’m better at it now, I’ve cut myself so much while shaving over the years that I’ve kept the toilet paper people in business with those little “paper patches” placed over slices, scrapes and divots.

Over the years, my shirt collars bore proof to the fact that shaving cuts never heal on the day they’ve been administered.

I probably have the face of a 20 year old since my actual skin has been replaced with scar tissue.

There was a time that the styptic pencil and I were best of friends.

I’ve always been a shaving gimmick guy.

Whenever someone came out with a new razor, I’d have to buy it.

If I kept all of the razor styles I’ve purchased over the years, I could probably have quite a collection.

I remember in basic training, we had one razor for “show” in our foot locker. The working unit was always stashed out of sight in the barracks. I’m sure none of the TI’s had any idea that was going on.

It was also basic training that taught me the fine art of keeping the shaving cream nozzle clean.

After double-edged blades, there were single edged blades, injector blades, stainless steel blades, disposable razors and then the myriad of multi-blade cartridges that we see today.

In 1847,  William Henson invented the hoe-shaped razor design that we still see today.

Then, in 1895, a traveling salesman named King Camp Gillette combined that shape with a disposable blade.

Gillette knew he’d lose money at first until men started buying new blades.

Cutting edge thought process I’d say!

Electric razors starting showing up in the 1930’s and I’ve owned more than my fair share of those too

But I never found one that could give me the close shave I got from a blade.

I started shaving with a standard safety razor.

I also went through a plethora of plastic disposable razors but while they’d shave closer than an electric unit, I also found I sacrificed more flesh with those

Today, I’m in one of those shaving clubs where they ship my cartridges to  me.

I also get a little booklet with “guy” stories plus puzzles and word games.

But since I’m backing off on my shaving frequency, I have quite a collection of new “blades” under the sink.

Shaving cream is a whole new matter.

The foams don’t seem to work best for me.

However, shave foam can be an effective weapon.

Fill a bag with shave foam and work the open part of the sack under a door.

If you step in it just right, you can blow a foamy snow drift into somebody’s room.

(Remember, you didn’t hear that here.)

If truth be told, I use something my wife uses for shaving her legs.

It’s advertised as a “moisturizing, hydrating and lotionized” shave gel and it works as good for me as well as my more manly “shave butter”.

And while I’ve never shaved with one, I still like the feel of a straight-edged razor on my sideburns and the back of my neck.

Plus a splash of Skin Bracer or Old Spice.

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