Shopping for Answers…

cinnamon buns

Like most Americans, I enjoy shopping.

To be honest with you, most times , I don’t really shop.

I buy.

I go to a business with a specific product or service in mind, I purchase it and then I’m outta there.

Like a dandelion fluff in the breeze.

Recently, I joined my wife and daughter on a “shopping” trip to the new IKEA store in Fishers, IN.

We went with no purpose other than to walk through the store to see what they had.

As we were headed for the checkout area, I saw a large banner suggesting that we try the cinnamon buns.

The banner was easily 4 feet by 20 feet and the pictured sweet was about the size on a snow saucer.

There was a small asterisk on the banner next to the tasty treat.

A small line read, “Not the actual size”.

My friend, therein lies the problem in America today.

What this banner told me was despite how delicious that cinnamon bun looks, I can’t actually buy one that size.

Homer Simpson would shout, “Duh-oh!”

The banner told me that legal council thought they better put that disclaimer on the banner or else someone would walk up to a cashier and say, “I want a cinnamon bun”.

When the clerk didn’t provide one the size of an inner tube, the customer would say, “No, I want one just like on the banner”.

When the clerk said, “You’re joking, right?”, the customer would then demand to see the manager.

When the manager smiled and said, “Well, you see, this is the actual size of the cinnamon buns. Why not have a free box for the trouble and we’ll call it a day?”

Upon which, the customer would say, “We’ll see about that! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer” and stomp out of the store.

But not until they posted something inane of Facebook that would go virile because that service has no stupidity filter on it.

And that banner represents exactly what’s wrong in America today.

No one is responsible for their own stupidity.

No matter how ludicrous the claim or charge, there seems to be a lawyer or a court that will take it up.

Having never gone to law school, I wonder when they stopped teaching law students these words.

“You can’t be serious!”

“Are you kidding?”

“Well, that’s nuts!”

Listen, I think if anyone has a beef that needs legal definition, I’m all for it.

But being able to sue a company because you couldn’t buy a cinnamon bun the size of your spare tire just seems ludicrous to me.

And, yet, IKEA had to tell all,  these sweet treats aren’t really as big as the one you see on the banner.


I was raised to kinda figure that out on my own.

I didn’t need a team of lawyers or a court to clarify that one for me.

If I was a clerk at IKEA and a customer asked my for the “cinnamon bun on steroids” pictured on the banner, I’m looking for Allen Funt.

The first words out of my mouth might be, “Is this a crazy scavenger hunt you’re on?”

Granted, I’m not a lawyer.

(But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once!)

And, while I prefer Boxer briefs, I realize they’re not legal briefs.

I’m beginning to better understand the printing on my truck’s external rear view mirrors.

“Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.”

Well, duh!

That’s another one I sorta figured out on my own.

But there it is on bold black letters for me to see.

Wonder how that got printed on my mirrors with out also having to be in Espanol and Braille?

A couple of blogs ago, I talked at length regarding common sense (1/15/19) and the amazing lack thereof.

And every day, I see more and more examples of the lack of it in our society.

It’s obviously not being taught in our institutes of higher learning.

But it’s possible the instructors missed out on that training, too.

So we have these hordes of,  in many cases highly educated but functionally illiterate beings who can make these nutso claims and broadcast it worldwide.

And almost as looney is the fact that vast numbers of others will read these posts and take it as gospel without any consideration of the actual validity of what’s been offered.

When did we get to the point that anything can be said about anything or anybody and it is the job of the accused to prove it otherwise?

“Innocent till proven guilty” is a farce in America today.

And to think my entire rant started over a cinnamon bun.

I actually like cinnamon buns.

But to think someone might be in court fighting  for the right to get a cinnamon bun the size of the one I saw on that banner, I might have to try something else.

But you know, that big burger I see on TV never looks like the one I get at the counter.

I see a disclaimer in the future.

At the bottom of the screen , it reads, “Burger you see is actually cold and mangled when you buy it.”

I rest my case.


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