Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

In 1967, the Tremeloes sang, “Silence is Golden”.

But that song title is tarnished when we consider that in the past year, about 2 in 5 families have cut ties with loved ones.

Thirty-eight percent of us have walked away from a problem rather than working through it.

Younger Americans are far more likely than older generations to cut someone off.

Among the Gen Z generation, 60% of them have broken off communications with a family members.

That’s compared to 20% for Baby-Boomers.

Those young folks, born from 1997-2012 are that way because studies show they have a low tolerance for otherwise poor behavior from parents..

They’re “conflict-avoidant”.

They see their parents as often being unwilling to examine their role in any conflict or difference.

As a result, neither party is willing to compromise or take ownership of a problem.

I’m gonna take a big leap here and suggest that many of these folks experiencing this cutting off were the same folks I observed in the past when dining out.

Our family would be babbling, laughing and interacting while the table next to us would be silent while everyone stared at their cell phones or played games.

I think we also have a lot of “thin-skinned people” in the world.

Man, when our family gathers in the garage for a summer meal, you gotta be on your toes or the crowd will devour you.

It’s not malicious but we have a way of dealing with human frailties by poking fun at one another.

We deal with insecurities right out in the open.

The poking and prodding helps us gain confidence while at the same time making us realize that when push comes to shove, these folks will be always be there for you.

It’s a corny phrase, but it’s true “tough love”.

Nearly three-fourths of us would rather distance ourselves from a problem rather than discuss it.

Granted, there are some deeper and darker matters that probably need third party intervention.

It’s interesting to note that folks who cut ties with loves ones often have long term regrets and resentments.

It can be heart-wrenching and agonizing.

Deep differences in cultural, political or religious beliefs are not easily addressed.

But I don’t see how ignoring a difficult matter can ever help solve it.

However, that’s the view from my post.

American psychologist Abraham Maslow said, “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail”.

Well said.

How can you solve a problem by looking away or pretending that we no longer see it?

It prompted Albert Einstein to suggest, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”

But I liked what author Susan Dal Gatto said.

“If you chose to not deal with an issue, then you give up your right of control over the issue and it will select the path of least resistance.”

So, it appears for many that the path of least resistance is ignoring the problem.

Could it be that the thought is somehow it will all get better if we look away?

I’m picking on Gen Z-ers because they’re the biggest group currently cutting ties with loved ones.

This generation has a preference for authenticity, financial pragmatism and a focus on mental health.

But this “walking away” instead of “walking up to” method of “dealing with things” leaves me grasping.

Thirty percent of people walking away from issues claim they did so because it affected their mental health.

And, for the 20% of Baby Boomers who have “cold-shouldered” a family member, did you forget what you learned from the “Silent Generation?”

I remember one time in my rebellious teen years telling my Dad my opinion on some topic.

He said, “Well, that’s fine but as long as your feet are sitting at my dinner table, my opinion is the only one that matters”
.

Later, I figured out that I needed to refine my argument.

We Fosters are far from perfect but when push come so shove, I’d rather be with the “pushers” and “shovers” instead of hoping it will get better all by itself.