Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

My wife will tell me when she’s planning to go grocery shopping and remind me to write on her list anything that I need./

This last shopping trip I wrote down “A.1. steak sauce”.

When I helped unload the groceries, I noted the bottle label said it was “A.1. Original Sauce” since 1862

The label also advised me it’s for steak, burgers and more.

By its’ own admission, A.1. is “the sauce that makes everything taste better”.

Now, there’s a statement that could be debated.

I remember that dark brown long-necked bottle in the refrigerator as a kid but I never developed a taste for that until the past few years.

It’s always hard to tell just how much A.1. because it’s hard to see through that dark brown glass bottle.

You have to shake it to determine how much, if any sauce remains.

That brings me to something else printed in the bottle of A.1. sauce.

SHAKE WELL.

How does one know if he’s shaken the bottle well enough?

When I shake it to determine if there’s any sauce left to consume, I’m listening for that “splashy” sound in the bottle.

Unless I shake it without the lid screwed down tight and then I see it splashing on the counter.

But for eating purposes, what does “shake well” mean?

Three shakes?

Five shakes?

Ten shakes?

Then there’s Bill Haley and his Comets with “Shake, Rattle and Roll”.

That would probably mix it up quite well.

It’s sort of like that street sign which says, “SLOW”.

If you see it at 55 miles per hour, 25 is pretty sl’ow but if you see the sign while driving 30 miles per hour, well, half of that would be 15 miles per hour which is darn near in reverse.

What about “sprinkle lightly?”

If you’re using salt or sugar that’s a lot lighter than sprinkling sand or gravel.

Is sprinkling lightly more or less than “dusting”?

Years ago, my wife bought a set of metal measuring spoons that didn’t stop at 1/8 teaspoon.

There’s actually spoons measuring a “dash”, a “pinch” and a “smidgen”.

Now, I would argue that a “dash” can be an issue, especially if you’re running over a 100 yard distance.

In this “dash” measuring spoon, I doubt you could hold one hundred of anything in it.

Upon further investigation, I discovered that a “dash” in cooking and baking is generally measured about one-eighth of a teaspoon, or twice the size of a “pinch” which is about about 1/16th of a teaspoon (or what fits between your thumb and forefinger).

That leaves a “smidgen” or about 1/32 of a teaspoon.

The obvious question is, “Can you really tell if you leave a dash, smidgen or pinch out of a recipe?”

How about “drizzling” something over a recipe?

Is that more than a sprinkle but less that a downpour?

Here’s another one.

I was watching a football game and the running back gained some yardage.

The announcers said, “It’s 2nd down and a long three or a short four to go.”

When does that distance go from a long three to a short four.

In yardage, would that be 18 inches?

How about, 3rd and short” or “4th and long”?

Just curious.

Or like Bob Uecker’s call of Ricky Vaughn’s wild pitch in the 1989 movie “Major League” that was “juuuust a bit outside”.

So whether I’m shaking well enough or driving just a smidgen too fast, I guess it depends on your individual tastes or actions.

Now, in 1966, Simon and Garfunkel released “Feelin’ Groovy” (The 59th Street Bridge Song()

It was on the B-side of “At the Zoo”, from their album, “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme” and never charted for that well-known duo.

It was about the Queensboro Bridge, crossing the East River between Manhattan and Queens.

Paul Simon wrote the song after taking an early morning walk across the Queensboro bridge.

About a year later, “Harper’s Bazaar” released their version of the song and it went to #13 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

The group was actually known as “The Tikis” but they didn’t want to confuse those fans so they released the song as “Harper’s Bazaar”.

“Slow down, you move too fast.

You got to make the morning last.

Just kickin’ down the cobble stones.

Lookin’ for fun and feelin’ groovy”.

It seems that Harper’s Bazaar had a ‘smidgen” more luck with the tune than Simon and Garfunkel did.

Was the tune done better or just “shaken well?”