Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster
I heard a public service announcement the other day about volunteer fire departments.
One of the statements was regarding getting a cat out of a tree.
It was then I realized what a bang-up job firefighters have been doing since I can’t remember the last time I saw a cat skeleton on a limb.
Since chickens don’t have lips, that explains why I haven’t seen lipstick or Chapstick for them when I shop.
How’d you like to be the clerk in a shoe store when a centipede walks in?
The big push these days is for self-driving vehicles. How about self-lacing shoes?
Does the world still need a good 5 cent cigar?
Why do people call it “baby-sitting”?
Can’t you be arrested for sitting on a tot?
If inflation is increasing everything, how did common sense get missed?
I heard a promotion recently for an information source that promoted “real news”.
As opposed to “faux news”?
Maybe that’s because of all the “fake” news I’ve been hearing about.
Why do news reporters keep telling us two aircraft almost collided in the air.
They call it a “near miss”.
Shouldn’t it really be a “near hit?”
In September, we observe the start of the fall season, otherwise known as the “autumnal equinox” and we also refer to the season as “autumn”.
So, in March when spring begins, thanks to the “vernal equinox”, doesn’t it make sense to refer to that season as “vern”?
I’ve noticed in the winter, when the wind blows, it can pile the snow in varying heights.
Do you catch my drift?
The drug problem is very real in the institutions of learning.
I always wondered why they called it “high school”.
In my day, we had driver’s education in high school but I don’t think that’s taught much anymore.
And you wondered why no one seems to know how to handle a 4-way stop!
When did Americans get so lazy and/or inconsiderate that many think those cart corrals in the parking lots at retailers are meant as shelters for people who can’t find their vehicles?
Speaking of parking lots, am I the only person in American that doesn’t have a special parking space lined off for me? If it keeps going in that direction, some folks will need to hike from the vast distances or catch a shuttle to shop inside.
And, while I’m on a retail kick, of sorts, if I was looking for work, could I add retail experience to by resume` since I scan and bag my own groceries?
I think there’s a business opportunity out there for someone to jump on.
A shopping cart alignment center.
Did you ever hear anyone say, “He/she eats like a bird?”
It used to mean they just picked at their food and didn’t consume much.
Fact is birds need to eat about one-half of their weight just to survive.
Jump on the scales and think how much you’d have to chow down if you were a feathered friend!
The other day, I heard the weather forecast call for “partly sunny” skies.
So, that night, would it be reasonable to call for “partly moonie” skies?
Scientists will tell us dogs go round and round before they lie down these days because when they were in the wild, that would press down the high grass and give them a place to sleep and be somewhat hidden.
I think it’s just because one good turn deserves another.
I don’t like ZOOM meetings and I’m not a big fan of masks so I guess I’m destined to be a hermit in the future.
The next time you eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, remember the great lesson it teaches us.
For the chicken, it’s involved but the pig is committed.
If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring?
When the ocean leaves, does it just wave goodbye?
I’m a huge fan of peanut butter but do I need help if I worry about the spread I can’t get out of the jar, even with a spatula?
Where’s all that extra time stored as a result of daylight savings?
Did hummingbirds simply forget the lyrics?
Couples need to take the “banana test” before they get married.
It’s why my wife and I have stayed married all these years.
She likes bananas that are a day removed from being green while I like the slightly brown-speckled ones.
We’ve never fought over bananas.
Life is confusing.
I was not adopted and yet I have “Foster” parents.
The last time the Major League baseball team in Cleveland won the World Series was 1948.
I always thought I would live to see that happen again before I leave this Earth.
Now I’m starting to get a little nervous.